There are some days when I feel like I've lost something. Time. Friendships. Love. And so many times these feeling are unexplainable. At least to me.
Today is not one of those days.
Two pairs of my friends are getting divorces. I love all four of them so much. Agh, I hate divorce. I hate pain and frustration and lack of appreciation for spouses. And bad choices. And taking people for granted.
It absolutely breaks my heart to it's core. I have forged deep relationships with these people and I feel so...lost. yeah, I think that describes what I mean. I want to weep and mourn the loss of these once-amazing friendships, but for some strange reason I can't let go. Or rather, I haven't given myself permission to grieve yet. That's probably more accurate.
My heart feels heavy.
This is what I'm listening to today:
This song (a happy version, folks) was played during my wedding by my brothers and cousin. It was beautiful, amazing, moving, and I will never forget the love I felt blossoming that day.
However, this was also the song played in another friends wedding. One of those couples I spoke of. I feel torn apart. I love these people and I also feel helpless (which is true).
So, there's me pouring out my heart today. Tomorrow I travel to, for the first time, NOLA. Should be interesting and tasty, if nothing else. I'll report back.
Things will work out and in a few weeks everything will feel "normal", whatever that is. Until then, this is me.